Why Is Gift Shopping for My Dad So Hard?
Shopping for a dad can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
“Don’t waste your money on me.”
“Get yourself something you need.”
“I don’t want anything.”
I’m sure you’ve heard your old man recite something along those lines when it comes to gift idea reconnaissance.
Geez, thanks pops!
Harder than your spouse, your boss, and even the teenage kid tasked with picking up your mail when you’re out of town, the one individual everyone dreads buying for is their dad.
No matter how many years you have been giving gifts to your father, it never seems to get easier.
And do you want to know the truth?
(leans in and whispers)
It only gets harder the older you get.
And that’s coming from a guy who is a dad!
That’s right, I’m one of these Jedi-like mind puppeteers now too.
…Crap, I’ve become my worst nightmare…
So, why are we so hard to shop for?
The Psychology Behind Hard-to-Shop-For Dads
First off, you need to understand you’re not alone in this gift-finding conquest.
A consumer psychologist and professor at Golden Gate University named Kit Yarrow performed a study on this exact subject.
In her findings, the role a father plays in a family dynamic is drastically evolving.
Modern dads aren’t the stereotypical pipe smokers in silk robes sipping scotch in solitude while mom takes care of literally everything else in the home.
Today, we are far more comfortable sharing a raw, emotional intimacy with kids and families that generations before would have been seen as weak or unable to provide.
Since this generation of fathers is more open and involved with their children on a regular basis, Yarrow says kids increasingly want to treat their dad and show significant gratitude.
The other side of this, however, is where things get tricky…
Yarrow’s study also states the view of a dad as a provider, rather than a recipient, remains “entrenched in society.”
As a guy with two kids under the age of four, and thankfully still with my father in my life, I struggle with this every frickin’ holiday.
When it comes to being the dad to my kids, there’s this feeling of needing to be the one to support my family and not feel it’s necessary to receive gifts for something you believe as a husband and father is your duty.
“Just doing my job ma’am” like a cop would say.
But then when the tables turn and I’m the giver for my dad, I find myself swirling in this perpetual storm searching for perfection.
I feel compelled to find something to present that says, “Thank you for everything you’ve done,” all while accomplishing this impossible task without him giving me any hints or suggestions.
And then, there’s the financial aspect to this dilemma…
Spending Trends
So we now know why we’re so stumped and why we are difficult to shop for, but that doesn’t mean we don’t buy them anything.
In fact, we’re now spending more on them.
According to the National Retail Federation, Father’s Day spending has increased 70 percent, or $6.6 billion, since 2009. And in 2019, it was expected to reach an all-time high of $16 billion.
The amount we’re spending on our old man still doesn’t compete with what we’re spending on dear old mom, but we are spending more at an increasing rate for dad.
Shopping Styles
There’s another wrinkle to this from another study published by Wharton’s Jay H. Baker Retail Initiative and the Verde Group.
This study lays out the differences between how women and men shop, and these shopping styles are night and day.
According to the study entitled “Men Buy, Women Shop,” women see shopping as an inter-personal, pleasing experience.
Women are far more likely to meander clothing aisles and different stores, making a day of it with food or drinks to break up their shopping.
Men, on the other hand, get in and get out–fast. We’d rather not interact with sales associates, or anyone for that matter.
We just need to find what it is we need, find a quick check out line, and get out of the store as fast as possible.
Women at the grocery store vs men at the grocery store pic.twitter.com/e1ij64ZE7W
— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) May 28, 2018
And if there’s something men need, they’re more likely to purchase it themselves than ask someone to buy it for them.
Which makes the task of shopping for us even more demanding; he already has everything he wants.
My dad has done this to me, and I know I’ve done this to my own family.
Men are just more likely to buy something they want online, or run out to the hardware store and get that thing they’ve been eyeing, rather than make a request to someone (maybe they don’t want to come off as begging for someone they want).
Picking Up The Clues Your Dad Leaves Behind
Yes, we are hard to shop for, but it’s not an impossible feat.
If pops won’t come right out with what he wants, or keeps deflecting your gift idea requests, you’ll need to become Sherlock Holmes to crack this case.
He probably doesn’t realize it, but he is telling you everything you need to know without actually saying it.
Let me explain…
You’re watching TV together and he makes a comment about a product in a commercial, like the latest smart watch.
Or you’re at a restaurant and he talks about how much he loves a particular wine or beer.
Or he keeps complaining about how something is difficult or he hates doing something, like clean the gutters or power wash the deck.
He’s expressing an interest in something very specific.
These are all great ideas for a hard-to-shop-for dad!
If we see a new gadget or lawn mower that we say looks cool, it’s because we’re showing an interest in it.
If there’s ever a consumable indulgence we’re salivating over, we’ll literally eat or drink it up.
If we keep complaining about having to do something, it’s probably because we’d rather have someone else do it for us.
Dads like what we like, and want what we want–it’s the same for your dad.
But if we talk about something we like BUT don’t have… you’ve struck gift-giving oil.
Look for the clues he’s subconsciously sharing, or ask your mom or anyone close to him what he’s been talking about lately.
Chances are it’s the hidden gem that will more than suffice the hard to shop for him.
